


Misadventures at Water Parks

by zenonaa



Category: Dangan Ronpa
Genre: Gen, regular school au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-02
Updated: 2016-07-07
Packaged: 2017-12-28 06:04:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/988584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zenonaa/pseuds/zenonaa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The class have a day out to a water park.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In which Kiyotaka takes it upon himself to pass the time

That moderately-sized coach bus was parked on a prime spot of road just outside the front of the Naegi family household, as if it was the centre of the street itself. Its door squeaked then rattled open, revealing a short flight of stairs. Top half white and bottom half cerulean, nothing in particular about the vehicle popped out even when against a regular average backdrop of regular average houses. But it lured the regular average boy through his regular average garden, sneakers pounding against the path before stuttering to a halt.

And so, looking into the blue-grey interior of that coach bus, Makoto stood. Buttery crumbs lingered in his mouth (and around, so he found when he swiped his knuckles across his lips). But even breakfast’s aftertaste couldn’t suppress the energy bubbling in his chest. With a bit of melodramatic determination you wouldn’t think is needed when stepping onto a coach bus, he entered.

The door hissed behind him, creaking shut. Makoto ascended, right hand gripping the rail while the other grasped the rucksack strap digging into his left shoulder. Upon reaching the top, he turned and gazed down the aisle.

Inside, they waited.

His classmates.

“You have kept us waiting, Naegi-kun!” Before seeing Kiyotaka's face, Makoto was greeted by the one on his friend’s watch. Intimately. Too intimately. ‘Is he attempting to slap me with the back of his hand?’ intimately. An intimately so intimate that Makoto shifted his foot back and transferred weight onto it. The distance between him and Kiyotaka shortened as Kiyotaka waggled his wrist between Makoto’s eyes. “Your tardiness is shameful!! You knew you were to be here by eight!”

“Give it a rest.” Mukuro scowled at her reflection in the window. “He’s only three minutes late.”

“Only three-!” Kiyotaka spun around. “You of all people should know the importance of diligence and punctuality!”

“Oi! Oi, oi, oi!” Gripping the edge of her seat with one hand, Junko leaned into the aisle and waved with the other. “Are you gonna keep holding us up or what? You’ve spent more time lecturing everyone than waiting. Let’s hit the road already! It’s too hot for idle chatter when I could be getting fanned by cute boys. Big Sis,” she straightened up and kicked out her legs, striking the back of Touko’s seat, “fan me before I melt.”

A rush of air leaked from Junko’s lips in a sigh as Mukuro obeyed. Neither heeded Touko’s grizzling, whose fingers curled inward as she glared at the twins from over her shoulder.

“You are right.” Wearing an expression that invoked guilt in Makoto that he didn’t realise he possessed until then, Kiyotaka bowed his head. “I apologise, Naegi-kun and everyone else, for my blatant and disrespectful hypocrisy. I’ll be sure to discipline myself later.”

Makoto patted the air. “That’s not necessary. Really. It’s my fault for oversleeping.”

“Very well. Take a seat.” Throwing out an arm, Kiyotaka gestured toward the rest of the coach bus. “Should you wish to store your belongings somewhere, please place them in one of the overhead racks. Also try to sit as close to the back as possible, because the front is reserved for those who suffer travel sickness.”

Which, apparently, was only Kiyotaka.

“… Right,” said Makoto. The back row of seats had already been claimed (by Leon, Chihiro, Mondo, Yasuhiro and Hifumi, in that order), but available spaces existed elsewhere. Voices rippled between clusters of students as the novelty of a new arrival died down. Rather than verify how long it would take to get to their destination, Makoto had spent the previous night investigating what facilities lay in store for them, but they must have departed early for a good reason. Especially when one appreciated that a fair number of the people present weren’t earlybirds, Yasuhiro nodding off and waking loudly whenever his head slumped too much and he poked his eye on Hifumi’s hair.

Pairs of seats adjoined the aisle at intervals, persian blue with multi-coloured confetti shapes printed onto them. Makoto passed Byakuya first on his journey through the coach bus, a leather holdall occupying the seat next to him. Even now he read, probably having done so since sitting down and getting his book out.

Probably. Who knew how Byakuya worked? Either way, it wasn’t a suitable place to talk freely without some cutting remark or noise of disapproval.

Directly behind Byakuya sat Touko. Upon catching Makoto’s eye, she shuddered and brought her face to the window. Makoto looked away and was met with a radiant smile.

“Naegi-kun!” Sayaka patted the seat next to her. “I saved you a space. That is, if you want to sit here.”

“Ah! Thank you, Maizono-san.” Makoto peeled off his rucksack, stretched up and tucked it into the rack above them. Then he shuffled sideways, backs of his legs brushing against Sayaka’s knees, and sat down beside her, by the window.

The coach bus set off, rumbling as it left Makoto’s regular average neighbourhood of regular average housing containing regular average families with regular average lifestyles. They left regular averageness entirely and joined onto a motorway full of cars full of people full of stories, some heading to regular average places and some - like their coach bus - to not so regular average places.

“Are you looking forward to today’s trip?” asked Makoto.

Sayaka nodded. “Asahina-san and Oogami-san helped me prepare a picnic last night, and I even bought a new swimsuit.”

“Eh?” A shock of red hair exploded into view at the back of the coach as Leon dumped his chin onto the top of Aoi’s seat, mouth and eyes gleaming. “What’s it look like? One-piece? Two-piece?”

She turned her head toward the aisle, hands clasped together over her chest, and smiled. “You’ll have to wait and see.”

Leon pouted and ran his fingers through his hair.

“Attention!” Kiyotaka sprung into the aisle and flung his arms forward, facing everyone else. “I require everybody’s utmost attention! Please be quiet while I do a roll call.”

“Roll call?” Mondo slouched, sneering. “This ain’t a school trip. We don’t have to do that crap.”

“And what are you doing all the way up there?” added Leon. “Acting like you’re our teacher or something.”

“You are right this isn’t a school activity,” said Kiyotaka. “We are here due to Togami-kun, who graciously offered to fund the entirety of this trip.”

Byakuya narrowed his eyes and continued reading.

“That is why it is our duty to be responsible for ourselves.” Kiyotaka clenched one of his hands into a fist. “Everything must go smoothly, and I have taken it upon myself to ensure there are little to no problems. It would be terrible if we left someone behind by accident…” He closed his eyes. “Simply unforgivable.”

“But we were collected straight from our homes,” Chihiro piped up, fidgeting. “Isn’t that enough to know we’re all here?”

“Just let him do as he wishes,” said Kyouko, sat behind Makoto. He peeked at her through the gap between his and Sayaka’s seats. “We’re here to enjoy ourselves, not argue.”

“R-Right. Thank you, Kirigiri-kun, for being the voice of reason.” Kiyotaka plunged his hand into his front pocket, whipped out a list and cleared his throat. “When I call your name, confirm your existence with the word ‘present’. ‘Here’ or ‘yes’ will also suffice. Asahina-kun?”

“Present!”

No one spoke without a cue from Kiyotaka. The roll call finished with a ‘present!’ from Hifumi, at which Kiyotaka scribbled a tick beside his name and finally sat down. Someone coughed, breaking the silence and conversations resumed once more.

Makoto rose a bit from his seat, not standing up fully, and eyed the back of Byakuya’s head. Byakuya was still engaged in his book. Interrupting his reading guaranteed irritating him, but even Byakuya couldn’t be too sour at a time like this. Especially when he chose to pay so this could happen, which was what Makoto wanted to talk to him about.

He decided to risk it.

“Togami-kun?”

Byakuya flipped to the next page. Laughter rang out from the back, thought indignant muttering replaced it when Kiyotaka demanded loudly that they respect the rest of the coach bus including the driver and also their parents who not only gave them wonderful names and life but also raised them better than that.

Maybe Byakuya didn’t hear him over everyone else. Understandable, what with the numerous conversations surrounding them all meshing together.

Makoto raised his voice.

“Togami-kun?”

“You don’t have to repeat yourself. Make it quick.”

“Oh.” After all that, he did hear him. “Um. It was nice of you to pay for everyone.”

Sayaka nodded. “Yeah! Water parks are super cool.” Her knuckles muffled her giggling. “Literally.”

“It’s pocket change,” said Byakuya. “Now disturb me no further with your trivialities.”

Pocket change. It would be, to someone as wealthy as him.

Unperturbed in a way that Makoto always and routinely admired, Sayaka shifted her gaze to the seats behind Byakuya. “Are you excited, Fukawa-san?”

Touko twitched. “M-Me?” She glowered. "W-Why would I be… when I have to display my ugly body in front of everyone? Not… Not that I expect someone like yourself to comprehend such a concept. N-Not all of us resemble porcelain dolls, with sickeningly dainty features and hollow limbs…”

Before Makoto thought to respond, Sayaka’s voice cut into his thoughts.

“You’re not ugly,” she said. “I bet you’ll look really cute with your swimsuit on.”

Choking, Touko turned back to watch the scenery outside flit by. Condensation formed on her window.

Sayaka shrugged and twisted around to face forward. Hair swished and fell as she became still. “What about you, Kirigiri-san?”

“I’ve never been to a water park,” Kyouko replied. “At least, not for recreational activities. It will be refreshing to unwind a bit.”

“Unwind?” Aoi repeated. “At an amusement park dedicated to water? I’m pumped just by the thought. At Maizono-chan’s house, we went on the internet and visited the official website.” She nudged Sakura. “Isn’t that right, Sakura-chan?”

Sakura inclined her head. “Indeed. We also have access to a variety of dry attractions, should one wish for a break from the water. Togami opted for free-pass tickets, giving us admission to much of the park.”

“Oh my.” Celestia’s hands obscured her mouth. “Who would have known seeing another side of Togami-kun would be so pleasant? I expected to find only moss. Why, this changes everything. I may avoid getting wet after all.”

“Eh?” Mouth ajar, Aoi grabbed the side of Celestia’s seat and swung herself forward in order to see Celestia clearly. “Avoid getting wet? What…?” Her eyelashes fluttered. “Huh…?”

“Yeah!” Junko swivelled around and rose a bit so she was kneeling, pressed up against the back of her seat. Shortly after, Mukuro rose, her focus on her sister rather than on Celestia. “What’s the big idea?”

“Yeah!” said Aoi. “What’s your problem?”

She was taking it too personally. No… there was nothing personal about it. Only a rare kind of person loved water as much as Aoi. But they raised a fair point… why visit a water park with the intention of avoiding getting wet? They all knew where they were going well in advance, Kiyotaka reminding them daily on the off chance everyone somehow forgot. Mass texts. Email. Asking Sayaka to compose a song because rhymes were a good learning tool. The hall monitor had it covered. Maybe too covered, if that was possible.

“You’ve got to hit the jacuzzi with me and all the other girls,” Junko demanded. She flicked her wrist and rocked her head from side to side. “I did not crack Fukawa-san so you could bail on me. I offered to disclose foolproof secrets to winning men’s hearts and I’m not going to let it be for nil.”

Celestia’s hypothetical absence counteracted Junko’s endeavour in a way Makoto could never hope to understand.

“Oh, I’ll gladly join everyone there,” said Celestia. “I’m simply not eager to be caged into a pool by a crowd of strangers.”

“Even if one area is packed, there are a lot of water activities at this place.” Aoi raised her fists. “I’m wearing my swimsuit underneath my clothing so I can just rip it off and dive straight in! Ah! I’m going to burst!”

As she broke into a strong shiver, clutching her jacket’s zipper, Makoto almost expected her last remark to come true.

But it didn’t. Aoi lived to see another day and let her hands flop onto her lap. “I… I should calm down… and eat one of my emergency donuts. That should satisfy my stomach for the time being…”

“It’s wonderful that everyone is here!” announced Kiyotaka all of a sudden, once again on his feet. “Getting there will take some time, so I prepared an assortment of activities to keep our minds sharp. We will start with a game of I Spy, followed by sudoku puzzles, crosswords and nonograms I prepared earlier!”

No one spoke for a moment. A long moment. Such a long moment that Kiyotaka’s face fell slightly as he surveyed his classmates.

“… I Spy? Puzzles?” said Mondo. He ruffled his pompadour. “The Hell? This ain’t kindergarten.”

“Besides, I’m not any good at those.” Yasuhiro scratched the back of his head. “We can just sit and talk, right?”

“Sit… and talk?” repeated Kiyotaka, stunned. No one objected. Kiyotaka stared at the floor. “But… I stayed up half the night… preparing them…”

A thud jerked his attention upward.

Byakuya unbuckled one of his holdall’s outer pockets and slipped his book into it. “I’ve no interest in your infantile game, but I’ll have a sudoku puzzle. My IQ is on the verge of slipping.”

Celestia raised her hand.

“I would like one as well,” she said. She laced her fingers together and rested her chin onto them. “If you would be so kind.”

“And,” Touko averted her gaze, “I… I want a crossword…”

“Ah! Please could I have a nonogram?” said Chihiro. “I mean, i-if there are enough to go around.”

Kiyotaka gathered a stack of papers into his arms, pens rattling on top, and marched down the aisle. Depending on the student’s request, he either leafed through the sticky tabs between each section of puzzles and handed a sheet over, crouching so they could take a pen, or strode to the next person. All without Kiyotaka saying a single word. Once he confronted everyone, he spun around on his heel and walked up the aisle, toward his seat. Feet dragging. Arms dangling. Posture as weighed down as his expression.

“We’ll play I Spy with you,” offered Sayaka when Kiyotaka reached them on his way back. “Won’t we, Naegi-kun?”

When approached before by Kiyotaka, Makoto had declined an activity with a shake of his head. As had Sayaka, though she complimented the idea and thanked Kiyotaka for his dedication. Wanting to make up for it, Makoto nodded and was rewarded with the sight of Kiyotaka’s cracking a wide grin. Glowing as much as Sayaka, Kiyotaka sat in the row of seats ahead of them, brightness contagious, for Makoto found himself eager to join in.

“How about I start?” Sayaka considered her surroundings, tapping her chin thoughtfully. “I spy with my little eye, something beginning with… u.”

Kiyotaka pointed at her. “Umbrella!”

“Good try, but nope!”

“What about gyoza?” Yasuhiro tipped his head back. He tossed a gyoza into the air and caught it in his mouth.

Aoi slapped herself on the forehead. “That doesn’t start with u.”

“Eh? Oh right.” Yasuhiro crossed his arms and laughed loudly. “How about unicorn?”

Leon rolled his eyes. “It has to be something that’s here, dummy!”

“Hey!” Yasuhiro jabbed the air, jacket sleeves flailing. One slapped against Hifumi’s cheek, like it had a life of its own. “Just because you can’t see it, doesn’t mean it’s not there.”

“It’s called ‘I-spy,’” said Mukuro. “If it’s not visible, it’s impossible to spy it.”

There was a moment's silence.

“Ah! I know.” Hifumi smirked. “Underwear!”

Yasuhiro sat up straighter.

“Where can you see underwear?” asked Yasuhiro, wiggling as he examined himself from different angles.

“It’s not that!” Sayaka blushed. “If it’s too hard, you can give u-”

“Uniform,” said Kyouko, staring out of the window.

Sayaka flinched. She soon relaxed and clapped. “Yes! I spied Ishimaru-kun’s uniform. Now it’s your turn.”

“Someone else can have my go,” said Kyouko. 

With that, Kyouko returned her attention to her crossword. Sayaka frowned.

“I will carry the mantle!” volunteered Kiyotaka. He cupped his chin and shut one eye. “I spy something starting with the letter… f!”

“Food?” guessed Sayaka.

“Incorrect!

“Friends?” guessed Makoto.

“Incorrect!”

“Faces?” guessed Junko.

“Incorrect again!”

“Frowns?” guessed Mukuro.

“Incorrect! In any case, there are no frowns to be found.”

“Is it Fukawa-san?” guessed Sayaka.

“D-Don’t spy on me!” Touko snarled, hunched over and scribbling away.

“No, it’s not Fukawa-kun,” said Kiyotaka. “Do you surrender?”

“Sure.” Yasuhiro groaned and placed a hand onto his forehead, sweating like he had overworked himself. “All this eff-ing is giving me a headache.”

“What?” Hifumi squeaked. “This isn’t that kind of game, right?”

“… Dude,” said Leon.

“Ha ha! I am victorious. I spied… fun!” Kiyotaka beamed. “Well-played, yes?”

“Fun?” said Mondo with a scowl. “That’s the shittiest thing you’ve ever pulled out of your ass. You can’t see fun! It ain’t even a real thing!”

“Then explain what it is burning in your eyes.” Kiyotaka pointed at him. “That, Oowada-kun, is fun.”

Mondo jumped to his feet. “Come here and I’ll show you!”

Chihiro touched Mondo’s arm.

“Please don’t fight. We’re supposed to be enjoying ourselves, like Kirigiri-san said.” With a small smile, Chihiro looked at Kiyotaka and added, “I thought it was very clever, Ishimaru-kun.”

Going by Mondo's scrunched face, he didn't agree, and he gazed down at Chihiro for a few seconds. Then he glared at Kiyotaka out of the corner of his eyes and sat back down.

“Yeah… real clever,” said Mondo in a dull tone.

Makoto exhaled. It was going to be a long ride.


	2. In which Byakuya slowly starts to regret paying for the trip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They get there woo.

The remainder of the journey proved uneventful as well as long. Not that Makoto expected it to be the day’s highlight, counting cars and imagining an invisible protagonist snowboarding over vehicles. Snowboarding. Snow. Cold. Shame they couldn’t spy that. Alas, they were stuck with s for sweat and c for Celestia trying not to break her poker face by showing that she regretted dressing in so many layers. One could only spy so many things in an enclosed area. Their game dwindled in participants until even Kiyotaka withdrew, distracting himself with a crossword. With I Spy’s conclusion settled quiescence no one protested against.

Snoring rumbled from the back. A quick check revealed Yasuhiro to be fast asleep, head tilted back. Music hummed from Leon’s headphones. Makoto could decipher the lyrics because he dutifully bought every album and single Sayaka released, and one of her albums was what Leon was listening to. Buttons clicked beside Makoto as Sayaka’s fingers whizzed across her phone. Noticing, she explained under her breath that her father hadn’t realised she would be out all day, though it hardly mattered because he wouldn’t be home from work until late. He nodded and looked away, and he thought he glimpsed Leon duck behind Aoi’s seat. Another glance back showed Aoi curled up with her head against Sakura’s arm as they examined a map that they printed off.

Leon faced the window, head bobbing, oblivious to Mondo gawking at Chihiro’s nonogram and the explanation Chihiro gave with it. Even Junko said nothing, eyelids twitching in time with nearby pen scratching.

Really, the next thing of interest occurred when the coach bus pulled up at the water park, gravel spitting against its wheels. No one reacted when it lurched to a halt and a few heads belatedly turned toward the creaking hissing door.

“Ride's over,” said the coach driver gruffly.

Everyone rose almost simultaneously, congesting the aisle as they collected their bags and barged their way out. They ignored Kiyotaka’s order that they leave when he called their row, chatter swamping his protests until he chased after Junko and Mukuro.

Only a handful of students lingered. Gripping his headrest, Byakuya stepped into the cleared pathway and picked up his holdall. Sayaka and Makoto followed him off and into sunlight. Good old sunlight, accompanied by a real fresh breeze and not faulty air conditioning. Open sunlight, not rays of heat magnified through glass into a stuffy box on wheels, reeking of sweat.

They spotted the main building in the distance, ridged blue roof darker than the pale sky above. Hopefully it wouldn’t rain. Yasuhiro assured them the day before it would remain sunny because of something to do with Susanoo, and Aoi chipped in that much of the water park was indoors so it wouldn’t matter anyway. After which Yasuhiro told Makoto he still owed him 90000 yen for the reading.

Chihiro slipped off the coach bus last, duffel bag thumping against Chihiro's hip, and bolted after the others. Apologies for keeping them waiting were waved off as Mondo and Leon laughed and ruffled Chihiro’s hair. Adjusting his hold on his holdall, Byakuya took off without a word. Alone. As usual.

In no rush to catch up to everyone else if it involved abandoning Sayaka, who seemed content keeping to the back of the scattered group as they trekked over to the main building, Makoto took this as a chance to take stock of their surroundings.

Or more accurately, the lack of surroundings. Strips of grass separated the many car park sections, slightly above the level of road so they had to step up and down as they progressed. Rather than having to wind through cars as Makoto had anticipated, they could just go in a straight line. There were no obstacles to dodge around. No people except those he arrived with, voices buzzing.

“It’s almost empty,” said Sayaka, on the same wavelength as him.

“How did you know…?”

“I can read minds.” She laughed. “I’m joking. I just have good intuitions. Ishimaru-kun must have chosen a day when there wouldn’t be many people here. Even places like this lull in activity occasionally.”

“Even so, it’s odd for a water park to not be full of people at this time of year, let alone this time of day.”

The voice that next left Sayaka’s mouth did not belong to her.

“Oh, what a turn of events! Big Sis will have to stay outside while we all have fun! How despair-inducing!”

Because it didn’t belong to her. It didn’t even come from her. It came from just outside the entrance where their classmates were gathering. Makoto jogged toward where the voice had come from with Sayaka at his heels, flicking up grit. He uttered ‘excuse me’ and ‘sorry’ as he wove his way through his friends until he reached the front where Junko and Mukuro stood.

Junko rapped her fake nails against a sign by the door, grinning, one leg crossed over the other. Completely different to her sister’s rigid posture and completely indifferent to her sister’s rigid posture. She cackled while Mukuro silently stared at the sign that Junko was leaning against.

Mukuro looked down and cupped her palm over the back of her right hand, not with a stoic frown but a frown that made her eyebrows slump and her lips curl in a bit.

“Isn’t it simply awful?” Junko dragged her finger across the lettering, pursing her lips at the squeak doing so made. “It says ‘NO! TATTOO’. And what does Big Sis have on her hand?” She paused more for effect than for an answer. “A tattoo! Geez, Naegi-kun, it wasn’t that hard a question.”

“I... I didn’t realise you expected me to answer,” he said meekly.

“Anyways, what’s important is that Big Sis can’t enter because she’s got a zoinking tattoo!” Junko tugged at a lock of hair and cast her gaze downward. Then she cast it back up again, as if climbing a rope. “such a sad predicament. super sad. super high school level sad. we will be donning our bikinis and speedos while she sits here. alone. to wallow. i’m almost jealous.”

She jerked back her shoulders and slapped her hands onto her hips. Laughter didn’t quite fit what followed. It more resembled a sequence of ‘ho ho ho’s one would expect to hear from a Santa Claus cameo in a made-for-TV Christmas movie. Except not as warm and bright and inviting. Actually none of those things applied at all. It was uncomfortable and awkward and no one did much of anything until Byakuya crossed his arms and scowled.

“That’s it?” he said. “You’re holding me up for something as pointless as that?”

“Asinine it may be, but this establishment prohibits entry to all those bearing tattoos.” Junko stuck out her chest, pigtails colliding and sticking together somehow so they resembled a ponytail. She whipped out a pair of glasses that she didn't need and put them on. “Should the culprit be discovered on the premises, they will undoubtedly be executed.”

“Executed?” repeated Aoi. “They can’t do that. It’s…! That’s illegal!”

“Upupupu, I’m kidding! They’ll have to go. Out of the park. Bye bye.”

“That might not be necessary.” The heels of Kyouko's boots clicked against concrete as she positioned herself in front of the sign. She squinted at the small print. “I believe I’ve discovered a loophole.”

Mukuro blinked. Junko blinked. Makoto blinked. Junko blinked twice before staring at Kyouko with an eerily blank expression.

“It does seem that those found with tattoos will be asked to leave.” Kyouko reread the sign. “However, if you were to simply cover up the back of your hand, there shouldn’t be any issue with you being here.”

Brilliant. Sheer Kyouko Kirigiri brilliance. A sentiment shared not only by Makoto, with Aoi cheering and Mukuro smiling one of her rare smiles at him that made him smile back even though he hadn’t been the one to solve the dilemma.

“So. Uh,” Yasuhiro rubbed his nose with his knuckles, “does anyone have makeup? That’ll work, right?”

“Wouldn’t it come off in the water?” asked Chihiro.

“Not if it’s waterproof,” said Celestia. “Why, I had to use that kind of cosmetics when I was forced to write down some calculations in permanent ink in order to decode a password. A layer of that and my hand was as unsullied as the rest of my body, enabling me to easily swim to safety and past my opponents without them being any wiser.”

Byakuya turned his head slightly and if one hadn’t watched him, they wouldn’t have known he moved at all. “Do you have any on you?”

“Unfortunately no. It would make much more sense to put it on before I left home, would it not?”

“Then don’t bring up stories no one cares about.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I can’t believe this…”

“W-Wait!” Touko’s bag smacked against the floor as she crouched down. She unzipped it. “I… I brought waterproof plasters.”

After a short time rummaging through her bag, she pulled out an opened box so enthusiastically that she almost flung it out of her grip in her haste. It thankfully stayed in her possession and she replaced her strap onto her shoulder. Touko stood up and shoved the box into Mukuro’s hands.

“D-Don’t waste them,” warned Touko. “Though a military fanatic such as yourself should know about rationing… and scavenging… I still need the rest, b-but there should be… one… big enough…”

Mukuro expressed her gratitude in a whisper easily mistakable for sighing, and fiddled with the box’s corners until it opened.

“Please make haste,” Kiyotaka said three seconds later, while Mukuro searched for an appropriately sized plaster. “Fukawa-kun’s quick-thinking does not compensate for the time lost. In future, you should research such matters beforehand so this doesn’t happen again. You will be excused as this is a fun trip out and we are all eager to have fun. Everyone in single file!”

As expected, they didn't listen and continued into the building in a loose cluster. Stationed at the ticket counter was a woman whose cheerful demeanour seemed forced, lips painted into a strained curve. The skin by the corners of her eyes crinkled as Byakuya strode forward and extracted a sleek leather wallet from his pocket. Only her pupils gave any indication of life, darting around as she waited for Byakuya to finish doing whatever he was doing.

Had they trudged into a hostage situation? That would explain why the water park appeared otherwise abandoned. But there were no traces of a scuffle. On the contrary, the entire room was spotless. And smelled nice. Like it had been cleaned recently. And thoroughly. Makoto regretted not wiping the soles of his sneakers outside before entering. And Byakuya didn’t seem apprehensive at all for a guy who annually gave his Valentine’s Day chocolate to a student no one knew the name of in case someone poisoned them.

“I hope the queues aren’t too long,” said Chihiro.

Aoi nodded. “Yeah, and I hope it’s not too crowded. I want space to move around.”

“Hmph,” went Byakuya. “Queues? Crowds? What nonsense.”

“Haven’t you been to one of these places before?” she asked. “You can barely move in the water when it’s full. They have a wave machine to cool you off while you’re bobbing up and down.”

“I can’t say a place like this has ever enticed me to visit, but I know for a fact it will not be as you claim.” Wallet put away, Byakuya flexed his hand before picking up his holdall that he temporarily set down on the floor. “I paid extra to persuade them to have the park available only to us today.”

That explained so much yet so little.

“Is that why no one else is here?” Makoto asked, peering back through the glass door at the practically empty car park.

“Other than staff, yes.”

Makoto turned back to Byakuya. “Can high school students even do that?”

Byakuya glared down at him. “My name is Byakuya Togami.”

Was that… an answer to the question?

The woman behind the ticket counter seemed to think so.

***

Apparently high school students could do that, legality of such a thing aside. Research the previous night presented Makoto with images of a pool crammed with people, much like Aoi mentioned earlier. Waves regularly rolled through to refresh those in the water to compensate for the lack of space to swim in. But if Byakuya told them the truth - and Makoto had no reason to distrust him on this - then Celestia’s distaste of being caged in wasn’t an issue, which was relief that Makoto and undoubtedly many others experienced too. Not many could gloat they and their friends spent a day at a water park that the rest of the public were barred from accessing, but then again not many people had classes with such an unusual array of teenagers.

They finally disbanded at the locker rooms, Kiyotaka raising his voice to remind them to meet up again by the main indoor pool at lunchtime and that the first aid room was nearby and to make sure not to run by the water and Oowada-kun I haven’t finished yet.

Soon dressed in a hoodie, swimming trunks, and flip-flops that he bought when he went to the beach with his family last summer, Makoto stuffed his clothes into a locker and strapped its wristband key on underneath his sleeve. There were two locker rooms, one for males and one for females. Touko and Chihiro excused themselves (well, Chihiro did, while Touko muttered before slinking away) and the pair of them headed off with their bags in search of some toilet cubicles. Aoi offered to tend to the rest of Touko’s things, only for Touko to snap that Aoi would just love to snoop around and hide her belongings across the park. They separated after that.

To sum up the changing room in one word, Makoto would use blue. Blue walls. Blue lockers. Kind of blue floor. Like water. Cool water. Water that shimmied and caught one’s eye and begged to be dived into. Yet the others took their time despite Kiyotaka’s loud impatience. Or maybe because of. Probably because of.

“Naegi!” A thwack on the back sent Makoto’s forehead banging into the locker. He rubbed his forehead and turned around. Leon bared his teeth in a wolfish grin, elbow resting against the locker next to Makoto’s, the only other person ready to swim. More so than Makoto, in fact, wearing just swimming trunks and his own wristband key, with no jacket that would have to be taken off. “Well… what do you think?” Hand on Makoto’s shoulder, Leon escorted him through the corridor and into the pool area.

What a pool area. Below the maze of metal framework way up above them, sky peeking in through the glass ceiling to give the illusion of being outside, glistened a clear body of water that stretched all the way to the back of the vast room. Wooden fencing bordered it, stopping several metres short of two rocky slides that led into a smaller pool. And that wasn’t all. There were waterfalls, rock tunnels, a jacuzzi, the amusement park and pools outside…

“I’m taking bets,” said Leon, tearing Makoto's focus away from the pool.

“Bets?” Makoto scratched his chin, looking from pale blue water to pale blue eyes. “I think we’re on different wavelengths. Sorry. Bets about what?”

“About Maizono of course.” In a flurry of movement, Leon had Makoto grappled in a headlock. “What do you reckon? One-piece? Two-piece? Talk about killer suspense. Do girls always take this long to get changed?”

“Hey, you guys!” came Aoi's voice.

“Except Asahina. She’s the exception.” Sparing Makoto from suffocating, Leon whipped around to greet her. “Looking good!” Behind him, Makoto wheezed. Aoi was wearing what she wore when they swam at school. What all the girls wore when they swam at school. But it made Leon no less correct about her being an exception. “Is it just us three? I thought some of the others would be here, this being the main area and all. Makes sense to get as wet as possible at the start.”

“They’re still getting changed. I had my swimsuit on underneath, remember? Sakura-chan went to help Maizono-chan with the picnic and I promised to meet her here. It’s a heavy basket. As for the others…” She shrugged. “No idea. Oh well. It’s their loss. The pool waits for no one, right? Naegi!”

Makoto jumped at how sharply Aoi called his name.

Aoi motioned toward his hoodie. “I hope you’re not planning on swimming in your hoodie. It’ll drag you down and cost you valuable seconds.”

“That’s your concern?” said Leon. “Not it getting wet or anything? Dude wears it all the time. Do you even have any others?”

Questioning his hoodie… a low blow. Junko would call it a Super High School Level low blow and Makoto wouldn’t disagree.

“I’m not going to wear it all day.” said Makoto defensively. He looked past Aoi and widened his eyes a bit. “Hey, I think they’re coming.”

That got them off his case. ‘They’ consisted of Yasuhiro (wearing a snorkel, flippers and goggles) and Mondo (wearing a speedo). Kiyotaka followed shortly after and insisted they not run. From behind him came the twins, Junko’s arm around Mukuro’s neck.

“We look super sexy, don’t we?” Junko thrust her hip into Mukuro and nearly knocked her off balance. “I bought these yesterday. They’re not in now but I can see a trend setting. It’ll be all the range, cute bikinis with an animal mascot pattern on them. These are bears, see?” She prodded herself. “Mine are black with red eyes and Big Sis’s are white with black eyes. Opposites! Get it? Because I’m loud and she’s bleh. Naegi-kun, don’t we look sexy? Tell Big Sis she looks sexy. I’m a given, going by everyone’s faces.”

Yasuhiro whistled. Mondo was distracted, glowering at Kiyotaka whose face flushed and who cleared his throat. Leon gave them a thumbs up. Aoi remarked on their cuteness and asked where she bought them. Mukuro studied the floor as if waiting for it to swallow her whole. But it didn’t so she raised her hands and shielded her bikini top with them, cheeks red like the eyes on the bears on Junko’s outfit.

“You look… nice,” said Makoto. Nice. Nice. All he could think to say was nice? It enhanced the glow on Mukuro’s cheeks but she grinned at the compliment.

“Your dilly-dallying quota has been reached,” Kiyotaka announced, turning to Makoto as if he was the ringleader of all this. “We have stood around long enough. Not using the facilities to their fullest will dishonour Togami-kun!”

On cue, Byakuya entered into silence. No fanfare. No streamers. No ‘Byakuya-sama!’ing in the background. Not even a hello. Just himself, his Hawaiian shirt, his black swim briefs with his family emblem on the front and a large pair of sunglasses, tarp under one armpit and book under the other. Byakuya bent over and laid out his tarp. He then sat down and began reading.

“See?” Mondo locked eyes with Kiyotaka and jerked his thumb in Byakuya's direction. “If someone with a branch lodged up his ass can relax then so can you. No one asked you to take charge and no one wants you to.”

“I heard that,” said Byakuya.

“It’s not a matter of wanting. It’s a matter of needing,” Kiyotaka retorted, the goggles dangling from his neck clacking as he attempted to stretch himself taller. “Not all of us can go around without a care in their head.”

“Did you just call me stupid?” Mondo punched the palm of his hand. “You’ve been ticking me off since this morning, yakking about punctuality and kindergarten games.”

Kiyotaka sniffed loudly. “Someone has to take charge and you are certainly not up to an adequate standard to do so.”

“Are you saying I need to be babysat? Are you saying you have bigger balls than me?”

“None of my sentences were phrased remotely like that, but I am glad to see the underlying message got through to a hoodlum like you.”

“You’re going to regret not staying at home and watching Dora the Explorer, bastard!”

Makoto stirred when Junko started to chant, ‘Fight! Fight! Fight!’, hopping on the spot excitedly as everyone else spectated (or read their book). No one else seemed like they planned to intervene, so Makoto darted into the rapidly shrinking gap between Mondo and Kiyotaka and aimed a hand at both of them. His eyes shut as he waited to be tackled by Mondo and drop to the floor like a puppet whose strings had been cut while Kiyotaka towered over his unconscious body. Knowing him, he would tell someone to clean Makoto up afterwards.

Okay. Extreme and improbable, but Makoto didn’t want to think about the subsequent events most likely to follow. And Byakuya would probably be the one to tell them to tidy him away.

Footsteps faltered. Makoto didn't die. He opened his eyes and observed the pair with a sigh of relief. Mondo dropped his fist to his side while Kiyotaka folded his arms over his chest and bowed his head.

“Naegi-kun, your desire to keep order is admirable.” Kiyotaka jerked up his head and pointed at Mondo. “We will settle this dispute like men, not savages. We will…”

“Write lines on a blackboard?” suggested Leon.

“Don’t be absurd! This is no time for jokes,” said Kiyotaka. “Where would we obtain a blackboard?”

“I know!” Aoi clapped.

Yasuhiro stared. “You brought a blackboard? Talk about prepared!”

“… Of course I didn’t,” said Aoi. She frowned at him but her expression quickly softened when she looked away. “I meant I know what you could do. You should sit on someone’s shoulders and wrestle in the pool. There’s lots of water here and it’ll help you channel your frustration as well as have fun.”

Leon shifted his attention to the ceiling and huffed air out of his nostrils. “That sounds more like how a kid would settle a dispute. In fact, I’m not sure how it’ll solve anything at all.”

“‘Sides, Ishimaru wouldn’t do something like that,” said Mondo. “He’s too much of a sissy loser.”

Kiyotaka gasped. Then he clutched his chest and gasped again.

“A… sissy… loser?” It only sounded more ridiculous when Kiyotaka said it. Must have been the tone of voice. And expression. Junko snickered. “I… I am not a… a sissy loser! Take that back immediately!”

“You’ll have to prove yourself by accepting my challenge,” Mondo smirked, “you sissy loser.”

“Very well! I welcome this activity with open arms.” Kiyotaka spread out his arms. “Hagakure-kun and I will reign victorious over you and your partner.”

Yasuhiro looked like someone just revealed he spent a chunk of his life savings on a crystal ball that was actually made of glass and never belonged to various notable figures in history.

“Hey, I don’t want any part of this,” said Yasuhiro, flapping his hands. Maybe he thought he could blow Kiyotaka away. Or himself away. Or maybe that Kiyotaka wouldn’t see him past the blur of skin and be forced to find another victim instead. Whatever the case, everyone else just regarded the spectacle with a reluctant acceptance. Or they just moved their sunglasses further up their nose and continued reading.

“Hagakure-kun.” Kiyotaka stared at him. “By declining, you are inferring I am a sissy loser. Is… that your intention? Do you agree with Oowada-kun that I am a sissy loser?”

It might have been a compelling appeal had Kiyotaka not scrunched up his face to the extent that no one could say with certainty whether he was crying or not.

“Ye-no, of course not.” Yasuhiro hooked his thumbs under his goggles and drew them over his eyes. “Fine. I… accept… I think… Just let me communicate with Hachiman for a moment…”

“What about Oowada-kun?” asked Makoto. “Only Oogami-san is strong enough to support him, and she isn’t here yet.”

Speaking of which, no one had made an appearance after Byakuya. And no one present had vacated from the scene to use any of the water park’s many resources either. They all huddled around… or read. Did Byakuya seriously plan on reading all day?

“I can’t ride on a girl’s shoulders,” said Mondo.

“Hey, watch the sexism!” Aoi scolded. “Sakura-chan is the strongest out of all of us.”

“No one’s denying that. But this is a duel to prove whose balls are biggest and she ain’t got any. ‘Sides,” he averted his gaze, “it just wouldn’t be right.”

Kiyotaka nodded.

“Kutawa.” Mondo turned. Leon flinched. “You’re the next manliest here. You’re with me.”

“What the hell?” said Leon. “I can’t lift you.”

Mondo's face twitched. “I’m pissed enough without you calling me fat. ‘Sides, I’ll feel lighter in the water. Maybe.”

“Maybe?”

Instead of reassuring Leon, Mondo dragged him toward the pool with Yasuhiro and Kiyotaka in tow.

“What about Togami?” asked Leon when they reached the gap in the fencing.

“He’s wearing a shirt covered in flowers. And he ain’t got big balls. He’s a big prick, but he ain’t got the balls to match.”

“I heard that as well,” said Byakuya sternly.

“Like I give a damn,” retorted Mondo. Water splashed as they waddled away, Mondo allowing Leon to walk unguided once he accepted his fate.

And fate decided to then have Celestia, Sakura, Kyouko and Sayaka arrive.

Celestia shaded her eyes with her hand as she inspected the pool. Lacking clip-on pigtails, Makoto barely recognised her. And her gothic swimsuit seemed more ornamental than practical. Kyouko opted for their school’s standard swimsuit, as had Sakura. Sayaka’s (a voice in the back of Makoto’s head that sounded like Leon noted it was a one-piece) was pink with white frills that reminded Makoto of a skirt.

“Did we miss something?” asked Celestia. She spotted Byakuya. “Did it by chance involve Togami-kun? His aura is more sour than usual. I hope it’s not contagious.”

Byakuya shut his book and stomped off.


	3. In which Junko is Junko

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Asahina suggests the girls have their own fun while Ishimaru and Oowada have their showdown.

A small part of Makoto suggested to himself that he pursue Byakuya. The urging originated from his metaphorical heart. Lacking any particular skill, he took modest pride in his perseverance and optimism principally when it came to fellow students. But his brain advised him that he best stay with the others, and Byakuya left before Makoto judged which organ put forth the most persuasive argument.

“Sometimes people need to simmer in their thoughts rather than have someone stir them,” said Sayaka. “Togami-kun is that kind of person, I think.”

Makoto turned. “How-?”

Sayaka tapped her nose and winked. “I’m an esper, remember? Really, I just have good intuitions. And look.” She pointed. “Fukawa-san’s here.”

Touko, loitering by the doorway, tugged at her swim shorts as she scrutinised the area, apparently not thrilled by what she saw, sole of her foot grinding against the floor. Whether anyone else noticed Touko's hesitation, Makoto didn’t know, but Junko lugged Mukuro by the wrist with rapid speed so she could go over and pluck Touko away. Try as she might, Touko couldn't free her arm from Junko's strong grip.

“There you are. I was about to call a plumber in case you fell into the toilet.” Junko released Mukuro so she could flap her hand at Touko’s unintelligible noises of disdain. Then, Junko curled her middle three fingers into her palm and pressed her pinkie against her chin and her thumb into her ear, miming a phone. “Hello, operator, it’s an emergency. Poor Fukawa-san confused a toilet for a pool and clogged up the whole system. The poor soul, she’s never been one for swimming, so it’s a silly but understandable mistake. Could you please rescue her before someone takes a dump on her?”

“I know we’re all friends but that doesn’t make it okay to rile the other up,” Sayaka said when Touko whined an uncanny impression of a dying rodent. “There’s to be no squabbling or fighting of any kind. We’re above that.”

Aoi heaved out a sigh, ponytail drooping. Much like the sleeves of Yasuhiro’s jacket, her hair was one of life’s mysteries.

“Is there something wrong, Asahina?” asked Sakura from nearby. She placed the picnic basket onto the floor. “Maizono’s plea has not fallen on deaf ears. There is no need to worry about additional turbulence.”

Junko nodded and gave Touko a hard slap on the back. After that, she stuck up her thumb and grinned.

“It’s not that. It’s just...” Aoi puffed out her cheeks, ponytail squirming. One of life’s greatest mysteries indeed. “The boys are playing wrestling and won’t let any girls join in. See, look at them over there.”

Flecks vaguely shaped like humans swam around on the far side of the pool, speech low and incomprehensible. It seemed they were warming up before their match. Or praying, in Yasuhiro’s case.

“It’s discrimination. Girls can wrestle just as well.” Eyes flashing, Aoi clicked her fingers. “Let’s put them in their place with our own tournament. Sakura-chan can be my partner.”

Celestia pressed her knuckles against her lips. “Teaming up with someone like Oogami-san guarantees success and total annihilation of those in the competition. Not even I can defeat anyone with unfavourable odds like that. It’s a tactic one such as myself would either use to my advantage or flat out refuse to contend against.”

Aoi's shoulders sank. Not feeling at all guilty, Celestia’s gaze drifted to admire her nails. Black. Black as an unclean soul gem, Makoto remembered Hifumi saying that when Celestia used his finger to determine the temperature of her boiling hot tea before tossing it away because he touched it.

“We’re doing this because of discrimination, not so we can discriminate further,” said Aoi. “Besides, it’s just a game.”

“A game I’ll have to insist I not play,” replied Celestia. She smiled, but it didn't seem genuine. “However, I will happily be referee.”

Junko snorted. “Overseeing things like some kind of mastermind? B to the oring. I’m hella pumped for a bit of rumbling. Me and Big Sis versus Asahina-san and Oogami-san. Battle stations, Big Sis. Go, go, go.”

She hooked her arm around Mukuro's elbow and galloped to the fencing with Mukuro skipping alongside unevenly. When they reached the fence, they stopped, and Junko flung out her arms, tipping backwards. Mukuro caught her and cradling a swooning Junko, Mukuro took several paces backward before sprinting toward the fencing and leaping over it, landing neatly in the pool on the other side.

A round of applause broke out.

“What kind of tournament is this?” Junko rolled out of her sister’s grasp, adjusting her body as she rolled so she met the water with incredible delicacy. “What kind of tournament starts with a final? How are we going to hammer out the weaklings? Kirigiri-san, Maizono-san, Fukawa-san. Come meet your dooooooom.”

Looking over at the three girls, Junko waggled her tongue, index and middle fingers parted as far as humanly possible to form the outline of a diamond around her mouth.

Touko's body tensed violently and she removed her attention away from the doorway to the changing rooms. She grabbed her braids. “I... I refuse to take part in such a brutish activity. Scantily dressed women... deciding to grope each other on a whim... t-this is subterfuge thinly veiling gratuitous titillation.”

“Heh,” said Junko. “You said tit. Have it your way, Thesaurus Brain. If you ain’t got the fists then you’re gonna be dismissed. What about you two?”

Sayaka blinked. Kyouko did nothing.

“Gonna check out or deck it out?” asked Junko.

“Well...” Sayaka glanced at Kyouko. “If Kirigiri-san is up for it, I will partner up with her. Fukawa-san can assist Celes-san. You don’t mind, do you, Celes-san? It’s a big responsibility.”

“That it is, so a little weight off my shoulders is more than welcome,” said Celestia. Touko grumbled.

“I would rather not get my gloves wet,” Kyouko said. She brushed a strand of hair to behind her ear. “But I will make an exception this time.”

The girls set off, passing through the gap in the fencing in single file with Aoi following after a straggling Touko. Leaving Makoto by himself. Could he follow? Should he? Would he? Everyone else had found something to do. A task simple enough to accomplish, if not less enjoyable when by one’s self.

No. He came with friends and so should stick with them. But which ones?

Chihiro and Hifumi had yet to arrive.

Byakuya... wasn’t an option, with him being the kind of guy who enjoyed his own company over someone else’s.

That left two groups. Male and female, both wrestling in the water. Which appealed more: Mondo and Ishimaru’s showdown of manliness or the mini tournament?

Sayaka wobbled on Kyouko’s shoulders. Celestia and Touko reaching out to stop them from overbalancing before the match had begun. Junko tickled Mukuro’s nose with her foot, her other one playing with the back of her sister’s bikini top.

That settled it. Resolve strengthened, Makoto walked over to the poolside and was about to climb in when a voice caused him to stop.

“Naegi-chi!” Yasuhiro waved, at the edge of the pool, near Makoto. His arm movement sprayed water onto the poolside and rusted Makoto’s resolve in the process. For someone so noticeable, Yasuhiro succeeded rather well in approaching inconspicuously. Maybe because his head looked a sixth of its normal size now that his hair was wet. “We need you to be umpire. But if you trade places with me, I’ll give you a discount on your next reading. I’ll even throw in an exorcism at half its usual price.”

“I’m fine umpiring,” Makoto assured him. He kicked off his flipflops and unzipped his hoodie. Hoodie off, he wrapped its sleeves around his footwear and chucked them behind him. Yasuhiro waited as Makoto reluctantly dipped a toe into the cool water, soon immersing all but his head in water. They headed over to the other three. Mondo, Kiyotaka and Leon.

None of the girls paid them any heed, Sayaka’s and Junko’s hands clasped together while their spectators chanted names. Soon they were but flecks vaguely shaped like humans, voices mere murmurs over the rippling pool, while Mondo, Kiyotaka and Leon became more distinct.

Kiyotaka and Mondo offered Makoto a curt nod before glaring at each other. Glaring so intense, so shocking, that had they been underwater they would have electrocuted everyone in the vicinity.

Probably.

Though, being underwater would have doused the flames radiating from their stiff bodies. The end of Mondo’s pompadour quivered while Kiyotaka’s eyebrows trembled. If Makoto didn’t know any better, he would have thought he was watching a standoff in a shonen manga or a quirky murder mystery visual novel.

“Yo, Naegi.” Leon’s face cracked into a forced smile, dripping wet. He either recently submerged his head or needed to see a doctor. Or a mortician. “What were you doing over there with the girls? We've been waiting ages for you. Got your eyes set on one of them?”

“No. I... I just didn’t realise I was invited,” explained Makoto.

“Who are you? Fukawa?” Leon seized Makoto’s shoulder a little too tightly, with a complexion a little too blue. “You need to sort out your priorities. I’m in serious need of moral support while they’re fine doing whatever they’re doing.”

“They’re wrestling as well.”

“What? You mean they’re wrestling too?” asked Yasuhiro. He laughed, sounding relieved. “I thought they were sacrificing Maizono-chi to Izanami over there.”

Leon perked up. “Maizono is here? What’s she wearing? Wait, she’s wrestling? The girls are wrestling?” He craned his neck. “I've gotta go see.”

Mondo balled his fist around Leon’s goatee and dunked him under the water’s surface. “You’re not pissing off now. We ride together and die together.” He swung his leg over Leon’s shoulder while Kiyotaka climbed up Yasuhiro’s hair as if climbing up a tree with many branches. Yasuhiro's arms thrashed but Kiyotaka managed to seat himself on him.

Makoto watched on, anxious. They... did plan on just wrestling... right?

Gurgling came from underwater, stopping when Leon rose, replaced by gasps as he lapped up air. “I didn’t volunteer for any of this. Ow!” Mondo shifted. Leon narrowed his eyes and said, “Don’t mess with my mane.”

Once Kiyotaka and Mondo were in position, Yasuhiro and Leon turned to face each other. They trudged in reverse when their riders transferred their centre of gravity backward, until they were separated by six metres, Mondo cracked his knuckles while Kiyotaka swished his hands through a series of random movements.

“You can still drop out.” Mondo leered. “I won’t think any less of you, sissy loser.”

Kiyotaka smirked. “It is not I who will be shown to be the sissy loser. It will be you who will be crowned the sissiest of losers.”

Mondo slammed his palns into the back of Leon's head and screamed, “CHARGE!”

“CHARGE!” echoed Kiyotaka, jabbing the air with his finger and twitching his feet.

“ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

“UWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

Makoto kicked himself back when they clashed, their hands smacking together into a vice grip. Below, their partners altered their stances, knees bending as they leaned forward slightly. Truly a feat of manliness, teeth gritted together. Faces red. Elbows metronomes.

“ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

“UWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

Gang Leader versus Hall Monitor. One would expect the former to easily secure victory, but they appeared evenly matched. Their wrists swung back and forth as sweat mingled with clean pool water.

“GIVE UP, BASTARD!”

“NEVER! AND MY PARENTS WERE MARRIED BEFORE I WAS CONCEIVED!”

Neither saw the oncoming wave. No one did. At their end of the pool stood a tower with a large bucket on top, filling with water until it tilted and released its contents once every hour. The wave hurtled toward them and washed over them, continuing to the other side where it would be channelled through a return canal for next time.

Leon stumbled as the wave crashed into them and sank, with Mondo not comprehending what happened until Kiyotaka and Yasuhiro cheered.

Mondo got off. He picked Leon up by the arm, scowling.

“Hey, I never wanted in on this,” Leon snapped, and he wiggled free. Rather than focus on his fuming companion, he looked toward the other side of the pool, and blinked. “Hey, is that Fujisaki?” He squinted. “Yo, Fujisaki!” Leon raised his arm. “We’re over here!”

Makoto turned around. Chihiro scampered through the gap in the fence, slowing at the poolside. Wearing the school’s standard swimsuit, Chihiro fiddled with where the material clung too closely to skin and then jumped into the water. The guys watched Chihiro paddle over. Mondo’s expression softened. Everyone’s did, but his did the most.

“Sorry for keeping you all waiting. It took me a while to find the bathroom.” Chihiro regarded each male in turn. “You weren’t fighting again, were you? I thought I heard shouting. No one’s injured, are they?”

Makoto felt bad despite having nothing to do with it.

Mondo patted the air. “No one’s hurt. And we weren’t fighting. We were wrestling.”

Yasuhiro rubbed his chin. “Isn’t that still fighting?”

“It is most certainly not,” said Kiyotaka in rare agreement with Mondo. “Fighting is strictly prohibited. This was... This was...”

“A sport,” finished Mondo.

“Yes, a sport!” Kiyotaka chuckled. “Ha ha, nice one.”

Chihiro laughed along with him, brow slightly furrowed.

“But we’re stopping now.” Mondo placed a hand onto Chihiro’s shoulder and squeezed. Chihiro grinned. “Really, it was no big deal. Just a bit of fun, s’all. Not that Ishimaru knows anything about that.”

Kiyotaka chuckled for three more seconds before gawking. “That is a lie.”

“My bad.” Mondo bared his teeth. “You learned about fun in a book.”

“Dictionaries are not to be scoffed at. And I too can have fun.” Kiyotaka pointed at him. It seemed that they were butting heads again. “I hereby challenge you to a ‘fun-off’!”

Maybe they weren't butting heads.

“A fun-off?” repeated Makoto blankly.

“Do you like it? I came up with the name myself. Thank you for emphasizing my statement, Naegi-kun.” Kiyotaka nodded. “Indeed. Oowada-kun and I will have a fun-off where we will see who has the most fun in the activities available. Fujisaki-kun, you will judge which of us two rank number one in entertainment levels. We shall start with a few laps of the pool.”

Mondo and Kiyotaka leaped forward and swam, with Chihiro following after a short delay. The remaining three watched them swim over to the other end of the pool where the girls were... or had been.

Leon frowned. “I thought you said they were wrestling over there.”

They had been.

“Maybe they got sucked down the drain,” said Yasuhiro.

“Maybe they’ll find your brain.” Leon rolled his eyes and went to investigate. Makoto and Yasuhiro accompanied him.

Gone. Completely and utterly gone. Absent. Elsewhere. Away. Other startled and redundant synonyms. The girls must have finished and got bored. But with that answer came other questions. Where did they go? Outside? The jacuzzi? The bathroom? The first-aid room?

“No sign of them,” remarked Yasuhiro, eyebrows raised.

“I know where they are.” Out of the doorway to the changing rooms appeared Hifumi, stomach wobbling as he thrust it out. “But you must mute yourselves before pressing A for the next bit of dialogue.” He folded his arms over as much of his chest as he could. “It’s Man’s Greatest Ambition, my comrades.”


	4. In which Touko realises she has friends

“Man’s Greatest Ambition?” repeated Leon loudly.

Rather than elaborate, Hifumi raised a finger to his mouth and hushed them, eyes shining behind steamed up glasses. His teeth peeked out as he grinned. Leon didn't seem disturbed by Hifumi's demeanour for once, and scrambled onto the poolside to join Hifumi. Droplets dripped off his drooping hair, splattering into puddles that formed all the way to the fencing. Makoto and Yasuhiro soon followed.

Leon clutched the top of the fencing, wringing it as if revving a motorcycle engine, before swinging his legs up and around and landing in a crouching position on the other side. Yasuhiro stepped over the fencing slowly and Makoto jogged to and through the gap in the fence. Makoto almost slipped on the way, feet wiping wetness against solid dryness, but he made it to the rest of the group without tripping.

It was only as Makoto turned his head to view the pool behind them that he realised there was no lifeguard present. The chair where one ought to have been situated stood vacant, so no lifeguard was there to witness Kiyotaka and Mondo's race, Chihiro watching contentedly from a short distance away, chin bobbing like a duckling on the trembling water.

Maybe Byakuya deemed the attendance of a lifeguard unnecessary or disagreeable, either optimistic his classmates wouldn’t need one or indifferent to any mishaps that should arise. Or maybe the staff took his request for seclusion to heart. Or perhaps-?

“So what’s this about Man’s Greatest Ambition?” came Leon’s voice, lower and more hushed than his previous exclamation.

Makoto turned back to listen, misgivings about the undermanned area pushed aside. He and Yasuhiro stood abreast with Leon between them.

Leon quirked his brow, one hand on his hip. “That’s what you said, wasn’t it? Man’s Greatest Ambition. What would a guy who reads all that seedy manga know about something like that, huh? You’ve probably been spying on the girls this whole time.”

Hifumi smirked.

“Not even giving up half your lifespan would bestow you eyes bearing the answers you seek,” replied Hifumi, peppered with sweat. “It took me many chapters, but I finally located the elusive treasure that is One Piece.”

“Four isn’t many,” said Yasuhiro. “Though to be fair, the updates are pretty unreliable.”

Leon glared at Yasuhiro then at Hifumi. “Just tell me where the girls went. That’s what you’re getting at behind all that otaku crap, yeah?”

“I pray you don’t start an anime before the manga is complete,” said Hifumi. “I will deploy my scripted dialogue nonetheless, but I urge you minimise your volume so we do not receive a game over.” He scraped his thumb against the underside of his nose. “After the completion of the World Martial Arts Tournament, the combatants agreed to head over to the Soft Water Jacuzzi to celebrate and consume senzu beans.”

Leon swirled his hand. “In English?”

“Aren’t we Japanese?” asked Yasuhiro.

“Dunno, dude. Sometimes I think you’re not even from this planet.”

“I am, but you know who isn’t? My dentist. See, one time-”

Hifumi balled up his fist and bonked it against the palm of his hand, and the other three snapped their attention back to him.

Makoto rather reluctantly.

“Kuwata Leon-dono. Naegi Makoto-dono. Hagakure Yasuhiro-dono. You have all joined my party. This is our chance to gather intel on what the elusive female discusses in enemy territory.” Hifumi plucked at his swim briefs’ waistband. “In layman's terms, us. Ah, what Celes-dono must think of me in that tsundere heart of hers... After the confession is brought to light, I shall win her over with my bishounen charm.”

Leon muttered something that sounded like, ‘you wish’ under his breath. Yasuhiro gazed at Hifumi out of the corner of his eye. Makoto crossed his arms over the bad feeling brewing in his gut.

Hifumi pointed at the ceiling, almost forgetting to be quiet. “The jacuzzi is nearby and in the open, so we must act stealthily. Follow me.”

They set off.

“Hang on,” said Makoto.

They faltered and stared back at him.

“This doesn’t feel right,” explained Makoto because apparently this needed explaining. “Spying on the girls, I mean. It’s not a decent thing to do.”

“Ah, Naegi Makoto-dono, you have much to learn.” Hifumi draped his arm over Makoto’s shoulders. “If there's anyone who can bring change, it will be someone willing to sacrifice what they care for. It will be someone who can throw aside their humanity in order to defeat monsters.” He stuck out his stomach. It quaked. “Come, hold this EXP. share. I will take you under my wing and teach you the ways of man.”

“But-!”

“Relax,” said Leon. “You’re a good guy and all but you’ll end up like Ishimaru or Togami if you keep your ass so tight. We’re not peeping on them while they’re naked or anything. We would have to be in a different universe for that to happen.”

Leon chuckled.

“Man, if I could see them without their swimsuits...”

He whistled.

“A move that would have no effect on I,” Hifumi said, “for the three-dimensional body does nought for my level.”

“Didn’t you just say you planned on winning Celes-chi over?” asked Yasuhiro. “Your stance is awfully sketchy.”

“Celes-dono is the only exception. She is just like one of my figures,” Hifumi raised his fists to his neck, “only life-sized! With perfect proportions and personality and-!”

Leon slapped his hand over Hifumi’s mouth, tensing when giggling rang out nearby.

It originated from an alcove beside the two water slides adjacent to the main indoor pool. How he missed it, Makoto didn’t know. They could see it from their current position, glimpsing Sakura’s white hair from around the corner. And how the girls missed the boys’ conversation, muffled with spikes of noise from Hifumi and Leon, Makoto didn’t know either.

But they had missed it, for they would have voiced discontent as Hifumi and Leon slunk away from Makoto to kneel by the mouth of the water slides.

Yasuhiro offered Makoto a shrug before skittering over to join them. Apologising profusely in his head, Makoto trudged over and ducked next to the other three, wiggling until he had all the girls in his line of sight.

The jacuzzi wasn’t very big, its occupants sitting in a circle with their shoulders bumping at the slightest deviation from their seats. Their giggling died down, Junko speaking before silence fell.

“No way is he more handsome,” she said, hand chopping the air. “Absolute nonsense. Isn’t that right, Big Sis?”

Mukuro nodded.

“I agree with my sister,” Mukuro said, staring at the white crackling on the jacuzzi water’s surface. “Makoto is also my favourite.”

Yasuhiro gave Makoto a thumbs up. Leon raised his hand to slap Makoto on the back, changing his mind at the last moment to simply pat.

Makoto’s face reddened.

Kyouko smiled. “I concur. Although he is weak-hearted at times, I admire his dedication to others and his concern for the welfare of his friends.”

Sayaka giggled. “He gets my vote as well. He’s so nice and nurturing and supportive.”

Leon now looked like he regretted changing his mind at the last moment to simply pat.

Makoto noticed. His face paled.

“Hm, I would rank him D,” said Celestia. “Possibly C, after a few years training. Now Haruka on the other hand would make an obedient butler. I can see him earning Rank B...”

She widened her eyes.

“Or even Rank A.”

The girls oohed, all except Touko who continued glowering, and Sakura, who bowed her head.

“There’s your confession, lover boy.” Leon jabbed his elbow into Hifumi’s ribs. “So much for that, right? Straight from her tsundere heart.”

“Eh? Nanase Haruka-dono?” Hifumi picked at his chin in thought. “So that’s her type... strong and silent... I can get behind that. Yes, I will reconfigure my entire being if I must. Maybe a sneeze will trigger a personality change... Someone give me a feather...”

“The more you talk, the more I’m not surprised you’ve never had a girlfriend,” remarked Yasuhiro.

Leon hushed them. Makoto listened in, somewhat saddened that they were talking about a different person with his name.

“Well, I like them all,” Aoi piped up. “I don’t watch a lot of television but when Sakura-chan told me they made an anime about swimming, I couldn’t not watch it, you know? The animation.... strokes... dives... swimwear... God’s got a weird taste at times, but he was right on the mark with this one.”

She flung up her arms, splashing. Touko rubbed her knuckles against her eyes and blinked rapidly, trying to get the water out of them.

“M-My contacts!” grumbled Touko.

“But who’s your favourite swimmer?” asked Junko, directing her question at Aoi.  She leaned forward. “Like... if you were in a game where you had to kill someone and get away with it in order to escape, who would you be least likely to off?”

“You have a weird way of phrasing things,” commented Aoi. “But... uh... I think... Nagisa. Yes.” She nodded. “Nagisa sounds like he would be the funnest. And that’s what having a boyfriend is about, right? Having fun with someone else. That and having babies.”

Aoi turned to Touko.

“Fukawa-chan, who’s your favourite?” she asked.

Touko flinched. “M-Me?” She sniffed. “I don’t watch trash. It’s just... just a load of fanservice! I have no use for such dirty culture. Anime rots the brain... though that’s not much of a loss for a bimbo...”

“Yeah, yeah.” Junko flapped her hands. “We all know you’ve only got your four eyes on Mr. Tall-Rich-Four-Eyes. Shame you can’t say the same for him. Sad, isn’t it?” She puffed out her cheeks and nudged Touko's arm harder than necessary. “You share the same likelihood of gaining his non-existent affection as us with fictional boys. How despairing.”

“Shut... Shut up...!”

“Hey, that’s not the way to talk to Fashion Girl Cupid Reincarnated. You’re lucky I’m a stickler for rules or I would make that a violation and penalise you with my summoning magic.”

Touko growled. Junko stuck out her tongue.

“Stop fighting,” said Sakura. “Enoshima, you proposed this meeting. Let us get to the matter at hand without further squabbling. You mentioned sharing ‘secrets’ about acquiring the affection of another’s heart.” She folded her arms over her chest. “That will be the next topic of discussion.”

Junko saluted. Touko squeaked and hid her face behind her hands.

Sayaka tilted her head to one side. “Oogami-san, don’t you already have a boyfriend?”

“That I do, but I am asking on behalf of everyone else.” Sakura smiled a tiny smile. “In any case, further enlightenment can be beneficial.”

Junko cleared her throat. Everyone turned.

“This will even help poor Fukawa-san, so listen up.” Junko waited a few seconds. “Okay so first, you’ve gotta know all about them. Go through their internet profiles, blog, anime list, trash, whatever. You need some bait on that hook, right? A worm. And you’ve got to stab that worm with your hook and throw it in the victim’s face to reel them in and make narezushi out of them.”

“We’re still talking about love advice, right?” asked Aoi, bewildered.

“Duh!” said Junko. “Now don’t interrupt.”

Aoi opened her mouth only to close it shortly after without saying anything.

Junko reclined, palms cupping the back of her head as she studied the ceiling.

“Once you’ve got the sucker’s attention, give them yours,” Junko continued. “People like talking about themselves. Let them think they’re special and interesting even when they’re despairingly dull and let them think you’re special and interesting because you like similar things and they don’t know any better. Then after a montage with a catchy song, bam!” She clapped and slouched forward. “High score. Happy Family Ending. Married with two kids and nine-hundred plus happiness.”

“That...?” Touko averted her gaze, almost biting on her thumbnail. “It will... work...?”

Junko snorted. “You’re meant to be the expert on this stuff.”

If Touko had been wearing her glasses, the slap on the back she now received from Junko would have sent them flying.

“But yes,” said Junko. “Your shoujo manga love interest reject will be all yours. Tell you what, I’ll even give you a makeover and a few items from my clothing line that haven’t been revealed yet.”

Touko straightened up, blinking. “R-Really? Y-You would do that? For...”

She reddened.

“For me?”

Aoi touched her hand against Touko’s shoulder. “And Sakura-chan and I will construct a workout schedule for you. Then you can chase after him whenever he tries to get away. He’s a slimy one, Togami.”

Sayaka bit her lower lip. “That sounds illegal.”

“And he’s not slimy!” But Touko’s glare softened rapidly. “T-Thank you...”

“I can help you practise what to say,” Sayaka chipped in, smile eliciting blushing from both Touko and Leon. “You have a way with words - I love your books - but a second opinion wouldn’t hurt. I can be like your personal assistant or a beta reader. I’ll help you whip up some treats to give him too. You can come over to my house tomorrow and we can look through some cookbooks in my room, if you want.”

Sayaka shrugged at Touko's open staring, still smiling. Leon covered his mouth with his hand, face incredibly red.

Celestia sighed.

“I will look unbecoming if I don’t offer my assistance,” said Celestia. “Allow me to offer my services as well. I know of a great number of places suitable for dates that would satisfy even Togami-kun’s high expectations. Perhaps you and I could browse through them some time and investigate them in person. That’s what friends do, correct?”

“Yeah...” Touko couldn’t meet anyone’s eye. “F-Friends...”

“But we do expect you to help us in kind,” Celestia added, tone brisk and business-like. “It’s no good if our aid is one way. Then it’s just pity.”

“I’m so glad we had this talk,” announced Junko, throwing her arms out sideways to hug Touko and Mukuro.

Both reddened.

“There’s nothing like plotting to conquer another’s emotions to get us all a little closer,” Junko added happily. She squeezed the two girls closer. “Let’s wrap up this convo with a bit of Q and A. Anyone got anything to add?”

Kyouko met Makoto's eyes from all the way over there. He ducked too late and Hifumi didn’t conceal himself totally.

Maybe she hadn’t spotted them.

“I should think,” said Kyouko, “the boys will be able to give us some first-hand advice.”

Who was Makoto kidding? Nothing got past her.

Kyouko narrowed her eyes. “What do you say, Naegi-kun? Any advice?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I liked writing this chapter because the DR girls bonding ahhhhh.


	5. In which Leon ropes Naegi into his cunning plan

While silence hung for what felt like two and a half years or so, ready for Makoto to break it, he could have done many things. He could have continued crouching by the water slides, which were tunnel slides too, with his hands squashing down his ahoge, hoping that the other girls would dismiss Kyouko’s question as overly sensitive intuition. Granted, he doubted this would happen, but it was an option all the same.

In addition to that, he could wait for Sakura to bound toward them, splattering heavy wet footprints in her wake and then equally heavy words onto their cowering forms. Or for Mukuro to swoop down on them, eyes and movements sharp while Junko cheered frantically from behind. Or for Celestia to glare down with her face moulded into a smile, brandishing the metal finger stall on her index finger as she interrogated. Or... Or for...

Screw it.

Makoto stood up. His body jerked a bit when Leon grabbed his forearm and tried to tug him back, but Makoto didn’t sit down. He refused.

“What are you doing?” hissed Leon.

Yasuhiro flicked his wrists, showing Makoto his palms. “Naegi-chi, don’t you know if you do that, they’re going to see you?”

“Eh? Naegi?” It was too late to pull back now. Aoi heaved herself up and backward, out of the jacuzzi, and padded over to Makoto. She glanced back at Kyouko, but ultimately Makoto received her attention. “Hey, it is you.”

The ends of her lips curled downward.

“And... you guys,” she added, in reference to Makoto’s three partners in crime.

Leon took interest in the skin under his nails, Yasuhiro waved and Hifumi mopped at his face with his hand in an attempt to smudge his unbridled gawking so it was harder to distinguish. Makoto scratched the top of his head as if doing so would uncover some locked away inspiration on how to respond.

It didn’t, and the girls’ bewilderment subsided into something worse. The jacuzzi water shuddered as the rest of the girls climbed out, lapping at whatever part of their bodies were closest to the surface of the water. Sixteen eyes honed in on the four figures lurking by the tunnel slides’ mouths.

Eyes awash with mistrust and anger ranging from mild to acute degrees.

“What’s the big idea?” Aoi asked, cheeks tinged red. Her classmates gathered behind her.

“Perverts!” Touko thrust out a trembling finger toward Hifumi while her other hand covered her chest, even though she was wearing an opaque swimming costume anyway. “H-Hot-blooded perverts! Their manga didn’t whet their appetites so... so they came here instead!”

“Hey, we didn’t know you were here,” said Leon. He rose in one fluid but slow movement and raised his flat hands defensively in front of him, palms toward the girls. “We wanted to chill in this spot only to find we got beaten here by you lovely ladies, and we were just about to go when Naegi got cramp in his legs. It’s an unfortunate coincidence, yeah?”

Junko rolled her eyes. “Per-lease, you’ve been here for a while. I would have spoken up earlier but I thought waiting would make this moment all the more delicious... and I was bang on! Bullseye!”

Mirth surged through her shaking body and came out in a delighted shriek. Touko, unfortunately positioned next to her, edged away from Junko until her shoulder nudged against Aoi’s. Aoi and Touko met each other’s eyes and Touko retreated, just a bit. Sayaka folded her arms over her chest and frowned at the Makoto. Sakura splattered the guys with a stare heavy with disapproval. Kyouko gazed at Makoto, lips tightly pressed together. Celestia closed her eyes and clasped her hands together, like she was paying respect at a funeral.

Only Junko exhibited some sort of amusement. She twitched her head and resumed talking.

“I expected this sort of behaviour from Piggy and Mr. I think I look edgy wearing a paperclip on my jacket, and the Emergency Chimney Sweep,” said Junko, “but Naegi-kun?” Out poked her tongue from her nude-coloured lips. As it waggled, she drew straight lines across her cheeks, toward her ears. “You fuckin’ bastard! Naegi! You shitted all over my regard for you!”

“H-His deference was just a guise... His motives are sordid as everyone else’s.” Touko’s face crumpled with disgust. “Filthy! Ah...” She clutched her upper arms and started to rub them furiously. “I can feel their gazes crawling across my skin... and under my swimsuit...!”

Aoi yelped and twisted her body away from the guys, hands on her shoulders, arms crossed over her chest.

Leon’s grin twitched. “Look, we were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. If anyone’s got a dirty imagination here, it’s you girls. Especially what’s-her-name with the braids. And it ain’t like you’re even naked or anything.”

The girls exchanged sceptical looks. Celestia turned to Hifumi.

“Yamada-kun?” she said calmly.

With incredible speed that Makoto had never thought possible, Hifumi streaked over to her and fell to his knees. He smacked his hands together and stared up at Celestia, close to tears.

“F-Find it in your heart to give this little piggy an extra continue,” he begged, shaking his hands. Celestia smirked as he went on. “I have no interest in women beyond the realm of two dimensions, as you are all aware.”

So he claimed, anyway. Hifumi peeked over at Makoto and the others, features darkened, and pointed at his ‘party’.

“These ruffians,” said Hifumi, second word rolling in his mouth but managing to be vocalised, “orchestrated the whole thing. I tried to stop them, but-”

Yasuhiro felt the sting of betrayal first and pointed back at Hifumi. “Hey, hey! This was your idea!”

Kyouko smiled now that the truth had been exposed.

Leon slapped himself on the forehead.

“You two are complete nimrods,” he said. He tilted his head back but he soon tipped it forward again, unable to maintain his fake smile any longer. “Okay, so we might have been slightly curious. Teenage hormones and junk, y’know?”

“So you sank so low as to spy on our private conversation?” asked Sakura. Her cold tone sent a powerful shiver through Makoto. Yasuhiro yelped and wrapped his arms around Makoto, who was too scared to realise at first. Sakura stretched out her neck, not once averting her eyes away from the boys. “Kuwata, what you said is only an attempt to explain your actions. It is by no means a justification. Miscreants,” she cracked her knuckles, “should be dealt with...”

“Namuamidabutsu namuamidabutsu!” said Yasuhiro, clinging tighter to Makoto. Leon slid a foot back but whether his nerves would allow him to escape, couldn’t be foretold.

And no one would ever know if he could escape. Salvation came in the form of a large splash as Mondo zoomed out of one of the tunnel slides, landing in the small pool by the mouths. Kiyotaka rushed out of the adjacent tunnel slide shortly after. Then, following only a short delay, Chihiro burst out of the same tunnel slide as Mondo so Chihiro thumped into the back of him.

“You are victorious, Oowada-kun!” announced Kiyotaka, who then extended his hand toward Mondo, complexion flushed in a way that Makoto didn’t recognise on Kiyotaka. It wasn’t frustration or concentration or exertion, but something more positive. He beamed at Mondo. “I have never seen such aerodynamics in my life!”

“It’s no big deal but, uh...” Mondo reached out and grasped Kiyotaka’s hand. He shook it, staring at it like a test he hadn’t revised for. “But, uh, thanks.”

There was a pause.

“I think,” said Mondo, with a confused, tentative smile.

Leon rounded on them.

“Yo!” said Leon, his sudden chippy attitude almost cringey. “You guys still having that... what’d you call it? Fun-off, wasn’t it? So who’s winning?”

Chihiro started to speak only for Mondo to speak louder.

“It doesn’t matter,” said Mondo. He shook his head, spraying droplets from his pompadour, and stood up.

“Indeed,” agreed Kiyotaka, and he stood up too. Kiyotaka reached an arm toward Mondo and slung it across Mondo’s shoulders. “The fact we are competing against each other is what’s important. Our prizes are the bonds we forge... Life is too short to waste such precious things.”

“Hey, that ain’t a bad saying,” remarked Mondo. He rubbed his chin. “I should have that tattooed somewhere.”

Everyone else seemed to have forgotten about the spying incident, including the girls. Junko rested her elbow on Mukuro’s shoulder, brow quirked. Makoto recovered from the threat of Sakura’s wrath and easily wiggled out of Yasuhiro’s loose embrace. Yasuhiro didn’t notice. Like the others, he too watched Kiyotaka and Mondo.

Kiyotaka nodded enthusiastically and raised his index finger. “Instead of a tattoo, I suggest you get it on a jacket. Then we can wear matching ones. And Fujisaki-kun can also wear one! It will be like a club. My mother prepares delicious and nutritious foods, so we could have club meetings at my house. And if we are polite, Maizono-kun might help us put together a motto.”

At the mention of her name, Mondo turned his head toward the girls. He caught sight of Sayaka, but then he noticed that all the girls were clumped together. His expression grew sterner as he looked from Sayaka to Hifumi to Touko to Aoi.

“Hey,” said Mondo. “Are these guys bothering you?”

“Y to the E-P,” replied Junko, answering for the girls. “We were having some Super High School Level confidential girl talk and they went all Solid Snake on us.” She curled a lock of hair around her finger and sighed. “it was an utter betrayal and spits in the face of all of our camaraderie. eavesdropping... how low. how very low. how very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very...”

While she prattled on, Kiyotaka widened his eyes.

“Eavesdropping? Girl talk?” he said. His eyes darted back and forth, between Makoto and Junko. Makoto really hoped that didn’t mean he had been elected as the representative for the guys. Oh, how Makoto cursed Man’s Greatest Ambition. Anyway, Kiyotaka touched his hand against his heart and spluttered, “That’s...! That’s...!”

“Wrong!” yelled Mondo. He stepped out of the pool and waved his fist at Leon, who recoiled. “Don’t you bastards have any self-respect? If you’re going to be a good-for-nothing coward, you should be upfront about it so you can get your asses kicked.”

Kiyotaka came up behind Mondo and rested a hand onto Mondo’s shoulder.

“The sentiment is shared but violence is prohibited,” Kiyotaka said.

Mondo stared back at him. Chihiro, not far behind Kiyotaka, nodded, and Mondo sighed. A few seconds later, Mondo turned his head forward again and trained his eyes on Kyouko.

“Want me to take them away for you?” he asked.

Kyouko cupped her chin. “I appreciate the offer, but I think that they’ve been deterred from future endeavours like this... Besides, I think we’re done here now, anyway. Hopefully, they’ve learned their lesson.”

“We have,” said Hifumi, still on his knees in front of Celestia.

“What now?” asked Aoi. No one volunteered a suggestion, so she put forth one of her own, bouncing her heels. “Anyone up for checking the outdoor area?”

Sakura lifted her hand. Meanwhile, Touko crept a few paces away from the rest of the girls.

“Has anyone seen...?” she started, only to trail off.

“Togami Byakuya-dono?” said Hifumi.

Right. Byakuya was the only classmate not here, as he had flounced off somewhere a while ago without leaving any hint of where he might have gone.

To Makoto’s surprise, Hifumi said, “The last I saw of him, he was in the changing room just before I came here.”

Touko wrung her wrist and chewed on her lip. “Could you...? G-Get him for me?”

She requested it with a rare gentleness.

“For my sworn enemy?” Hifumi scoffed. He rubbed his chins. “Do you need a persim berry? Why would I do that?”

Sakura marched over to Hifumi and grabbed his ahoge. Hifumi squawked.

“Such a compelling argument,” he said. As Sakura dragged him in the direction of the changing rooms, Hifumi snatched Yasuhiro’s wrist and started to pull him along. “Come, Player Two.”

Yasuhiro let out a surprised yell but stumbled after them. Touko trailed after Sakura, Hifumi and Yasuhiro, and the rest of the girls soon dispersed. Aoi and Celestia went to the picnic basket where there were some towels, while the other girls decided to check out the slides that Kiyotaka and Mondo had arrived through. As for Kiyotaka, Mondo and Chihiro, they returned to the main pool.

Which left Makoto with Leon, who seized Makoto’s shoulder before Makoto could wander off.

“Naegi,” said Leon. He spun Makoto around so they faced each other. “Naegi, my pal. Buddy. My man. My wingman.” Then he skipped to the point. “You and Maizono are buds, right? She’s got you well in the friendzone.”

“I don’t think friendzones exist. Just unlikeable people,” said Makoto.

“That ain’t the point. I want to take Maizono to the Hot Water Cave and ask her to go out with me, only I think she’s a little intimidated by my presence.” Leon combed his fingers back through his hair and pouted at the ceiling. “See, whenever I try to get the two of us alone, she finds some sort of excuse. Promotional events, practice, homework... nothing important.”

“Those things sound very important though,” said Makoto.

“You’ll understand one day,” said Leon. Makoto doubted this, and Leon might have too, because he quickly said, “Anyway, I need you to ask Maizono to come with us around the park, so later I can invite her to the Hot Water Cave. It’s supposed to be romantic. And if you bring one of the others, she won’t get put off.”

“One of the others?”

Leon gave Makoto’s shoulder a hearty squeeze. “I mean, you’re her friend and all, but maybe if she has another girl friend then Maizono will think she’s playing wingman for her and I’m just playing wingman for you, and won’t get suspicious. If the four of us go around the park and let Maizono see how cool I am, when I ask her to come with me to the Hot Water Cave, she’ll say yes before I even finish asking. What’d you say?”

“I’ll try,” said Makoto.

Leon beamed. “Thanks, dude. I owe you one. Ikusaba’s got the hots for you. Other than her sister, you’re the only one she ever smiles at, so you get her and Maizono to come over here and we’ll head outside together. A’ight?”

He winked.

“I-Ikusaba-san?” said Makoto, but Leon wasn’t listening and had taken his hand off Makoto’s shoulder so he could set it against Makoto’s back instead. Leon started pushing him toward the small pool at the bottom of the slides that they had hidden behind during the girls’ discussion in the jacuzzi.

Once there, Leon gave Makoto a thumbs up and backed away. Makoto exhaled loudly and waited for the girls to emerge from the tunnel slides.

Not long after Leon had slunk off, Mukuro shot out of one of the slides and splashed into the pool. A squeal rang out behind her and before she could get out of the way, Junko crashed into the back of Mukuro, though not with enough force to send Mukuro flying. Just enough that Mukuro’s body bent forward temporarily.

“Hey, Naegi-kun,” greeted Junko, noticing Makoto first. Mukuro straightened and looked up at the sound of his name. Junko continued talking. “Need anything? Or are you just hunting for camels?”

Makoto almost asked her to elaborate. Almost. He glanced over his shoulder at Leon, who had drifted over to the picnic basket. Celestia and Aoi, both drying themselves with a towel, didn’t pay him attention. Leon gave Makoto another thumbs up, and Makoto turned back to Junko and Mukuro.

“I, uh,” started Makoto, faltering as Sayaka popped out of the other slide. Her sudden entrance, though it threw him off for a moment, reminded him that she was part of their plan too. No, not their plan, just Leon’s plan. Mukuro’s role had distracted him from the rest of the plan for a moment. He flashed his teeth at the three girls, in a sort of grin. “I was wondering if I could talk to Maizono? I won’t be long, I promise.”

“Okay,” said Sayaka, staying where she was. Junko and Mukuro didn’t seem to intend on giving them any privacy either.

He motioned for Sayaka to follow him. “It’s kind of secret...”

Sayaka’s eyes widened, but her face soon relaxed and her features hardened. She trod out of the pool. As she climbed out, Kyouko appeared out of the same tunnel slide as Sayaka with a splash that Junko and Mukuro fell victim to.

Makoto led Sayaka a short distance away, though he tried to make sure it wasn’t close enough that they would be overheard.

“What is it?” asked Sayaka in a low voice, concerned. He swallowed.

“I wanted to ask a favour,” he said, not quite meeting her eyes.

“Oh?” she went, and then he did meet her eyes, and he saw that she was blushing. Blushing. Makoto’s face set aflame.

“I-It’s not like that!” he said without thinking. Sayaka pressed her fist against her mouth and glanced away. He raised his voice. “I just wanted to know if you’d go around with Kuwata-kun, Ikusaba-san and me!”

His voice boomed through the entire area, or so it felt. Makoto clapped his hands together and scrunched his eyes shut, wondering, kind of hoping, that his hot face would melt away the rest of his body.

“That’s what you wanted?” asked Sayaka. He dared open one eye and nodded. She smiled. “Of course, Naegi-kun! I’d love to hang out with you guys. Thank God, I thought you were in trouble.”

“N-No,” he said, unsure if it was too early for him to be relieved yet. He opened his eyes more fully and as she was smiling, he decided that he could at least do that.

“It’s okay to smile too, you don’t have to look so frightened,” she said, addressing his thoughts.

Makoto jumped and was halfway through asking how she knew that he had been thinking that when he remembered her usual answer.

“I read your mind,” she said, regardless. She giggled and quickly said, “I’ve got good intuitions.”

They both grinned at each other.

“Don’t you think you’ve run that joke into the ground already?” Junko called out, still near the slides and thereby confirming that everyone in the vicinity had heard their entire exchange.

Sayaka and Makoto looked toward Junko, who was lounging at the bottom of one of the slides with one leg crossed over the other. Mukuro sat on the poolside, legs in the water, arms wrapped around herself. She kicked gently.

“We heard everything and yes, you can have my sister, but you better return her by midnight,” said Junko.

“Really?” said Mukuro, straightening up in surprise.

Junko hummed two notes. “Mmhm. Remember everything I taught you, Big Sis.”

Makoto didn’t understand why they referred to each other as ‘Big Sis’ or ‘Little Sis’ sometimes. Surely fifteen to thirty minutes didn’t make much of a difference, but then again, he wasn’t a twin. Maybe someone had to be a twin to understand.

“T-Thank you,” said Mukuro, oblivious to Makoto’s inner thoughts, and as she had her sister’s blessing, she walked up to Sayaka and Makoto. Something about him drew Mukuro’s already existent smile into a wider one. Then she glanced at Sayaka, and her face became stoic. “I would be happy to accompany the three of you.”

“We have lunch in a little more than an hour, so don’t be late or there’ll only be crumbs left,” Aoi reminded them, wearing a towel like a cape.

“Yeah, yeah. We got it. None of us want to invoke Ishimaru’s wrath anyway,” said Leon, flapping a hand in Aoi’s direction. He tugged on Makoto’s arm and pulled him along. “We should try to get all the wet rides out of the way first, yeah? So let’s go see what’s waiting for us outside.”

As previously stated, Makoto had spent the night before investigating what facilities lay in store for them at the water park. Outside were a number of water rides and attractions, not limited to twisting slides, several fountains, drop slides and floats. A lot of the activities were situated in and around a large lake. From where Makoto stood, on ground level, he could only see a small section of the area and as he stared at what he could see in awe, he remembered that they had all this to themselves.

He shivered a little.

“It’s a bit eery,” remarked Sayaka, hand close to her mouth as she surveyed the area.

Leon laughed and propped his arm on Sayaka’s shoulder. He twitched his other hand. “There’s only no one here because we paid extra.”

Sayaka slipped a finger past her lips but not past her teeth.

“We?” said Makoto. “Kuwata-kun, you didn’t pay for any of this... Togami-kun did.”

“That’s not what I’m trying to get at,” said Leon. He took his arm off Sayaka and turned to Makoto. “Bottom line is there’s nothing weird going on, but Maizono-chan is welcome to stick close to me just in case.”

Makoto squinted.

“Maizono-san, if we are attacked, I will protect you,” Mukuro told Sayaka, who perked up immediately and far more than she did at Leon’s promise.

“Thank you, Ikusaba-san!” Sayaka hesitated and then rubbed herself on the arms, looking uneasy again. “I’m sorry for burdening you...”

Mukuro’s face flushed and she twisted her body away from Sayaka. “It’s no problem. Don’t worry yourself over something like that.”

Sayaka didn’t respond, so Mukuro looked over her shoulder and found that Sayaka was smiling at her. She rolled back her shoulders and turned all the way around to face Sayaka head on, hands quickly clasping together behind her back.

“Where are we going first?” asked Mukuro, face impassive though still a bit pink.

Makoto couldn’t blame her. Sayaka had that effect on most people.

“What do you want to do, Ikusaba-san?” asked Sayaka, head cocked to one side.

“What do I...?” Mukuro blinked, like Sayaka just asked her to solve a complicated logarithmic equation.

Makoto could see it in Mukuro’s lined face, how she struggled to come up with not just an answer but the rest of the question too.

“Time’s up!” said Leon. He stuck out his tongue and mimed shooting himself in the head. “First, we’re gonna check out the newest ride! Come on.”

Leon beckoned them all to follow him and jogged off. Sayaka offered Makoto a small shrug and started after Leon. Then the other two, Mukuro and Makoto, followed. The ride that Leon was leading toward soon came into sight. It consisted of a tunnel slide that coiled a few times before ending inside a large funnel structure. It required them to climb up the steps in a tower, where an attendant and a large dinghy waited for them at the top. Upon seeing them, the attendant jumped away from the wall that he had been leaning against and he approached the students with a wide grin that looked almost painful.

“How many of you are here?” asked the attendant though by how his eyes moved, he seemed to be counting them in his head anyway. Several times. The more he recounted, the more relaxed he became, but it was a slow process. His shoulders sank gradually and his smile melted onto his features, until it seemed like a genuine one.

“There’s just four of us,” said Makoto. “It’s not that many.”

“Up to six of you can go on at a time,” said the attendant. He gestured toward the dinghy and added, “And there’s four of you so, uh, yeah! Please, take a seat. All of you.”

A nervous chuckle escaped the attendant.

Leon, Sayaka and Mukuro settled into the dinghy that was a hard push away from sliding down the water slide. Mukuro sat opposite Leon, with Sayaka between them, meaning that Makoto would sit opposite Sayaka with Leon on one side of him and Mukuro on the other.

Rather than get into the dingy straight away, Makoto studied the ride first. At the beginning, the slide, which curved, was open, but after the first bend it became a black tunnel slide. Satisfied for the time being, Makoto turned back to the jittery attendant.

“Are you okay?” asked Makoto.

“Me? Oh, I’m fine.” The attendant gestured toward the dinghy again. Though Makoto wasn’t convinced, he decided not to invest himself deeply in the life of a stranger who, for all Makoto knew, had one too many cups of coffee that morning. He sat down in the dinghy. “Also, ah, if you see your friend, Togami-kun, please give him my highest regards and please do tell him how much you enjoyed yourself.”

“Tog-?” That was all that Makoto managed to get out before the attendant gave the dinghy a shove with his foot, sending it onto the slide. It glided toward the first bend, bouncing off one of the slide’s side walls that prevented the dinghy from flying off the slide and ploughing into the ground below.

At this bump, everyone gripped onto the handles near them, and they held on as the dingy made its way around the wide bend and entered the tunnel part of the slide

Mukuro and Sayaka squealed happily as the tunnel slide swallowed them up, plunging them into darkness. Makoto laughed and Leon let loose a loud, “Yahoo!” as the dinghy bounced through the tunnel slide’s few twists and turns, causing everyone to knock shoulders more than once, until the tunnel spat them out into the funnel structure.

Everyone in the dingey cheered as the dingey swayed in large movements, each sway throwing water over them. The dinghy slowly headed toward the bottom, toward the narrower part of the funnel, where they were sucked into a white tunnel slide, its opening resembling thin lips. This tunnel slide was far shorter than the black one above, but that didn’t mean it was no less fun. When they popped out, a large amount of water drenched them, and they got out of the dinghy just as wet as Leon had been under Mondo when they lost the wrestling match against Kiyotaka and Yasuhiro.

Basically, very wet.

“That was fun,” announced Sayaka, trickling water. She combed her fingers through her hair as they walked away from the ride.

“You want to go for another spin?” asked Leon.

Sayaka tapped her chin. “Hm, what do you guys think?”

“We wouldn’t have to wait in line,” said Mukuro. Her dark hair was plastered down. “So if you wanted to go there again, we would be on another dinghy within the next minute.”

“‘If you wanted to’...?” repeated Makoto. He locked onto the ‘you’ in her remark and narrowed his eyes at Mukuro. “What about you? Do you want to go on the ride again, Ikusaba-san?”

Mukuro blinked and pointed at herself. “Me?”

Makoto hummed, signalling that he did mean her, and she jerked her head back, arms jolting as she shifted into a defensive stance.

“W-Well, I don’t mind,” she insisted. “I’m down with whatever.”

She straightened up and arranged the fingers on one hand so they were in a peace sign gesture, lips contorted into an unconvincing smile. Evidently, changing her demeanour did not come as easily to Mukuro as it did to Junko.

The skin by Sayaka’s eyes wrinkled as she gave a small smile. “Okay, so what if we go on that ride again and then check out the slip slides? They’re regular water slides but the ends are above the pool so you zoom off and land in the pool at the end. I saw it on the website and it seems really exciting.”

“Funnel ride, then slip slides,” Mukuro noted aloud. She saluted. “Right!”

There was silence. Mukuro needed a few seconds to realise what she did and then she dropped her hand sharply away from her forehead, cheeks glowing.

“Cute,” said Sayaka, grinning from ear to ear. She saluted back at Mukuro before taking Mukuro’s hand and leading them to the tower so they could go on the funnel ride again.

Makoto started to follow but after only three strides, a hand grabbed his shoulder and tugged him back. He inhaled, about to cry out in surprise, but another hand slapped over his mouth just as he began to make noise.

“Naegi,” said Leon, the owner of the hands. In hindsight, it was obvious that the hands could only belong to Leon. “You’re leaving me to hang up and dry out here.”

With Leon’s hand still over his mouth, Makoto didn’t know if Leon expected him to say anything. On top of that, he didn’t know if it would be weird to try talking because then Leon would feel his breath. Thankfully, Leon stepped away, removing both of his hands from Makoto’s body in the process, and placed a hand onto his hip, other arm hanging straight by his side.

“I thought it was going well,” said Makoto meekly.

“Huh? You think?” Leon glanced upward and massaged the back of his neck, pouting.

Makoto gave a quick nod. He expected Leon to try to correct him by putting forth his own perspective, one that wasn’t necessary accurate, but Leon brightened up and draped his arm over Makoto’s shoulders.

“Hey, thanks, man,” said Leon, squeezing Makoto in what might have been a hug. Leon lifted his arm off Makoto and chased after the girls. “Yo, Maizono-chan! Wait for us!”

Nothing about their second time on the ride stood out, except that the attendant’s movements weren’t as stiff and their laughter through the tunnel slides was more intentional, but even those things weren’t particularly interesting.

“So next is the slip slides, yeah?” asked Leon as they left the ride again.

“Yep,” replied Sayaka. “I don’t have the map with me, but I’m sure that they’re at the other end of the water area.”

“Right, right. You lead the way,” said Leon, stepping into stride beside Sayaka. She grinned at him, to which he gave a bigger grin.

Meanwhile, Makoto hung back with Mukuro, whose wide eyes darted around as she inspected her surroundings. Makoto caught a glimpse of Sayaka’s eyes before she turned back to Leon and replied to something Leon said that Makoto hadn’t been paying attention to, though Makoto had heard Leon use the words ‘fall out’ and ‘the police’.

He hoped that they were talking about music and tuned out, aiming his attention at the sunny day. True to Yasuhiro’s word, not a single raindrop had fallen. As he peered up at the sky, he saw that there weren’t any clouds at all.

Mukuro tilted her head back too, joining him in admiring the clear blue above, their pace slowing slightly. They only needed to worry about accidentally setting their foot down against a body of water as there was no one to bump into, which was easy enough to avoid doing so they let themselves get lost in the sky’s unblemished, simplistic beauty.

However, Makoto got too lost in it and almost walked into a pole, but Mukuro tugged him out of the way before he collided with it.

“Thanks,” he said, and he emitted a short, shaky laugh. To crash into a pole and possibly have to spend the next hour or more in the first aid room... just the thought flooded his face with prickly heat.

She stared at him in an almost disconcerting way, though he knew she likely didn’t intend it to come across like that.

“That’s what friends do, isn’t it?” she asked. “Watch out for each other.”

He smiled. “Right.”

Her grip on his arm was tight. Makoto glanced at her arm and then at her face, after which she released her hold of him. Still smiling, he returned his gaze to the sky, barely walking now, nearly motionless. Mukuro stopped entirely and did the same.

“Ishimaru-kun chose the perfect day for us to come here,” said Makoto, once he became aware of the silence that developed between them.

“Are you talking about how there are no clouds?” she asked. She glanced at Makoto and then looked up again. “Actually, some of the others hired a plane to drop silver iodide, that’s why there aren’t any clouds over here today.”

His head snapped forward. “W-What?”

“Junko-chan suggested they shoot a rocket instead, but the others rejected the idea. Togami-kun said that his family used silver iodide to ensure there’d be no rainclouds above his venue when they had an important dinner party outside, and Junko-chan and Maizono-san have prematurely made it rain before too for some of their outdoor performances,” explained Mukuro.

“You can do that?” asked Makoto, feeling like she had thrown a bucket full of icy water at his face.

“It’s true,” she insisted. “I was there when they discussed it.”

“I wasn’t doubting you!” He winced at how abrupt his response was and took care to speak more evenly thereafter. “It’s just I didn’t know it was possible to do that. It was really thoughtful of them. Science sure is amazing, even if I’ll never understand it fully.”

Like he would never understand rich people. Mukuro’s posture relaxed, and he allowed his own to as well.

“Oi!” shouted Leon from some distance away, Sayaka at his side. “And you guys call me a slacker...”

Makoto and Mukuro broke into a small jog, decelerating when they reunited with the other two, and all four were together again well before they arrived at the slip slides.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> almost 3 years isn't too big of a wait, right?
> 
> written for drfanmonth


End file.
